In response to December's episode of the HOPA Now Podcast, HOPA Wellness Advisory Group member Teresa Kam Thakrar contributed the following personal reflection, adding to the conversation about balancing parenthood with a career in oncology pharmacy.
Balancing a career with the ever-evolving demands of motherhood brings all the feels, including the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Hearing the diverse parenting perspectives and advice from the latest HOPA Now episode was a much-needed reminder that there is a supportive community of hematology/oncology pharmacists we can lean on as we navigate parenthood.
As a mom to a 4- and 6-year-old, I found the panel’s experiences especially meaningful, and something that really resonated with me was the constant negotiation we face between professional duties and family needs. Yet amid the chaos, I’ve quickly learned that the demands of parenthood shift over time.
When I am in the thick of parenting and work deadlines, or travel, I sometimes wonder if there’s a way to teleport, clone myself, or both. That’s when I remind myself that, however exhausting or sweet, this moment won’t last forever, so I embrace the present.
In the middle of the perfect storm, where busy times at work and family obligations converge, it is all too easy to let guilt creep in. There’s guilt that my kids don’t always eat the healthiest options, guilt that I couldn’t chaperone the field trip “like the other moms,” and guilt that I was traveling for work “again?!” Then there’s the guilt that maybe I’m not “enough” in either role.
But over time, I’ve learned that, for my sanity, I had to lose the guilt trip. I decided to focus on intentional choices - for example, carving out time for self-care so I can be fully present for others, partnering with my husband to balance responsibilities so neither of us runs on empty, modeling for my kids that it is important to balance career and family, and most importantly, giving grace to myself, my husband, and to my children when things don’t go perfectly.
In those moments when life feels hardest, I remind myself that I don’t have to compare our journey against anyone else, whether it’s social media, parenting books that claim to know the “right” way to do things, or friends or colleagues who seem to have it all figured out. Every family, every child, and every job is different. What works for one family won’t necessarily work for others, and benchmarking our lives against others often blurs the view of what’s truly meaningful in our home. There is much truth to the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Instead, I prioritize our values, which create meaningful connections and unique memories.
Setting boundaries at work has also been helpful. Protecting time for family and personal well-being isn’t selfish, but necessary. I’ve learned to communicate when I’m unavailable after certain hours, to block off family time on my calendar just as I would a meeting, and to advocate for adjustments that allow me to fully tackle both my professional responsibilities and my role as a mom. Although it is much harder than it sounds, setting boundaries has empowered me to make the moments I spend with my family more meaningful and intentional.
There are still days that feel like I’m treading water, but there are also many days filled with joy, laughter, accomplishment, connection, and pride. I know that balancing a career and parenthood will always be a work in progress, but channeling flexibility, intentionality, and grace for imperfection along the way has made the balancing act less stressful.
Through seasons of change, I’m learning to lean on my community, set meaningful boundaries, embrace what works for our family, and choose presence over perfection. I hope others are inspired to do the same.
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